Talking to Children About Their Safety

With the media and news coverage of the recent shootings in the Maryland and Virginia areas, school-aged children may become aware of the tragedies even though they might not fully understand them. Younger children, especially, might want to know who the “bad person” is while older children may need help understanding the information they hear on the news and in school. 

When responding to children, be as open and honest as possible. However, be very careful about the information and messages you send. While parents are dealing with anxiety and uncertainty about their own safety, children can sense their parents’ fear. Children are looking to their parents for security and assurance that they will be safe.

To guide parents through discussions about fear and violence, the National Mental Health Association (NMHA) offers the following suggestions:

·         Encourage children to talk about their concerns and to express their feelings. Some children may be hesitant to initiate such conversation, so you may want to prompt them by asking if they feel safe at school, in their neighborhood, or in public places. When talking with younger children remember to talk on their level. For example, they may not understand the term “violence” but can talk to you about being afraid or about a classmate who is mean to them. Encourage them to express their feelings through talking, drawing or playing.

·         Validate the child’s feelings. Do not minimize a child’s concerns. Let him or her know that serious acts of violence are not common, which is why incidents such as these shootings attract so much media attention.

·         Talk honestly about your own feelings regarding violence. It is important for children to recognize they are not dealing with their fears alone. It’s all right to say, “I don’t know”. Part of keeping discussion open is being willing to admit, when you need to, that you don’t know how to answer a child’s question. When such an occasion arises, explain to your child that these acts of violence are rare, and they cause feelings that even adults have trouble dealing with. Temper this by explaining that, even so, adults are working very hard to keep children safe and secure.

·         Investigate and discuss the safety procedures that are in place at your child’s school, in your neighborhood, and in other public places.   Perhaps your child’s school can arrange a presentation by McGruff the Crime Dog, a member of the local police force, or a neighborhood watch captain.

·         Create safety plans with your child. In addition to reviewing your child’s transportation plans, help identify which adults (a friendly secretary, trusted neighbor or security guard) your child can talk to if they should feel threatened. Also ensure that your child knows how to reach you (or another family member or friend) in case of crisis. Remind your child that he or she can talk to you anytime when feeling threatened.

·         Recognize behavior that may indicate your child is concerned about his or her safety. Younger children may react to violence by not wanting to attend school or go out in public. Behavior such as bed-wetting, thumb sucking, baby talk, or a fear of sleeping alone may intensify in some younger children, or reappear in older children. Teens and adolescents may minimize their concerns outwardly, but may become argumentative, withdrawn, or allow their school performance to decline.

·         Keep the dialogue going and make safety a common topic in family discussions rather than just a response to an immediate crisis. Open dialogue will encourage children to share their concerns.

(The above six points were adapted from the National Mental Health Association, Coping with Anxiety at www.NMHA.org)

Seek help when necessary. If you are worried about a child’s reaction or have ongoing concerns about his/her behavior or emotions, speak with someone experienced in dealing with emotions. Contact your EAP by telephone on a 24-hour basis at 1-800-222-0364 (TTY 1-888-262-7848) for more information, help and support.  Counselors provide confidential assistance at no cost to you.  Additional information, self-help tools, and other resources are available online at www.foh4you.com

This publication is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide any user with specific authority, advice or recommendations.